As much as I love being verbal about my travel escapades, I certainly would not want to shy away from the controversial subjects that plague our existence. And so I choose to side step from worldly adventures and take a dig at the institution of marriage!
To all who know me, you already know my marital status. And to all who don't or are perhaps speculating, allow me to clarify at the outset that I am not married.
I am a happily single, over 30 year old, fairly successful, and "settled" woman, living in Delhi.
The irony of the preceding statement is that most people, not just in India, do not identify the words "happy", "over 30 year old", "single", "successful", "woman" and certainly not "settled", in the same sentence. It seems to be an unfathomable state of being, for a person, let alone a woman, who would dare actually be happy in life, without having tied the proverbial knot.
Do not get me wrong! I am not averse to marriage. Nor am I holding on to a belief that I do not want to get married. It must be a wonderful institution. And perhaps someday, if the stars align, and the forces of nature have their way, and a man to my liking happens to stumble across my path, whom I deem worthy to bestow with the privilege of my time and existence, I will get married.
But that of course is besides the point. Or is it?
I met a dear friend of mine today. Whenever we meet, we tend to always have a debate on the many things that swarm our lives, the good as well as the bad.
Amidst our 2 hour long chat session today, we ended up talking about marriage. (Side Note No.1: Neither of us are opposed to marriage. We both love a good union. In fact, I would say I am quite the hopeless romantic on this count.)
Our discussion today actually centred around the obsession the entire world seems to have with this monogamy-ensuring-tool. Honestly, it is quite baffling, to say the least, and at most times stifling. Most people I interact with immediately look at me with eyes filled with pity, vibing a "there, there" aroma, presuming that I am someone who needs consoling, simply because I do not have a ring on my left hand "digitus medicinalis". Do people truly believe that happiness is linked to this institution, which purportedly offers the promise of lifelong companionship, even though in reality it may or may not be as fulfilling as one may hope it would be?!
Ok, I think I am sounding a bit too cynical here. Allow me to rewind, rehash and rephrase my statements.
As a quintessential liberal, choice in life for me is paramount. But my ideologies lead me to go a step further and seek out true choice, and not just the mere illusion of choice.
(Side Note No.2 re. classic liberals: Choice for classic liberals is demonstrated even in a scenario where when a robber on gun-point asks you to give him/her your money or suffer the consequences at the end of the barrel of the gun, you are still bestowed with the liberty of choice; a choice you may not like, but a choice nonetheless.)
I have always endeavoured to ensure that I am afforded choice in the true sense, despite my circumstances. Translating it to the institution of marriage, I seek the liberty of choice, to choose marriage for the right reasons, and not merely because it offers me the possibility of true companionship.
Admittedly, most of us are afraid of being lonely. But a physical companion by way of wedlock does not necessarily ensure the alleviation of loneliness. One can be alone in the most crowded of rooms, while some may be wholly content and complete with even a pet, or just the self enlightened state of one's own self.
Not feeling lonely is a state of mind to be honest.
And even if we were to accept the argument that we need human contact to ensure alleviation of loneliness, that too does not necessarily mean that marriage is the answer to all such woes. A mighty good friendship, the bond with parents, connection with offspring outside wedlock, or simply a partner without the legal formalities of marriage can also be equally sufficient, if not fulfilling.
If that is the true case, then why the obsession with marriage? What are we really running after? Why is it so necessary for anyone to be married? When did it become Okay, and globally acceptable, to eliminate choice from this institution?
I am at a stage in life where, after years of slogging at work, I have a career to be proud of. I love what I do for a living. I have hobbies that I am pursuing. I have a loving family, and friends that I can count on. By God's grace, I have all my faculties intact. I have my own set of woes and worries, like any other human being, which may remain despite my marital status. I do not feel the need to be chasing after the illusion of happiness, when in all fairness, I am content with the life I have now.
I do not know what the future holds. I may partner with someone with whom I do want to make the effort of tying the knot with. Perhaps that day may come sooner rather than later. Or perhaps that day may never come. Whatever happens, it would be my choice! And that would be regardless of the fact that I am an over 30 year old, fairly successful, and settled woman. And I deserve not one bit of consoling simply because I did not succumb to society's need for me to have a man by side while I was still a "Christmas Cake"!
And for those who think otherwise, I would only say this: I wish you all the happiness that you deserve whilst you navigate through your self-created Politics after tying the knot.
👏👏👏you spoke my heart
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